A Letter I'll Never Send

I have been irked.  I am very irked.  There is....someone....a nameless someone....who is quickly becoming the bane of my existence.  He is aggravating in the extreme and causing me all kinds of grief.  I could hardly fall asleep last night for thinking about him and how annoying he is, then I woke up at 4:00 this morning unable to sleep anymore, so I did what I do when I'm spitting mad.  I wrote a condescending letter....that I will never send:

You are not a perfect parent.  Far from it, actually.  Your own discipline style is very  flawed.  Why do you make judgements then about us and criticize us?  President Hinkley said, ““You will be far more successful with love as your watchword than you will be with a whip or lash or anything of the kind.”  Sometimes, it is necessary…and helpful , I think, to physically punish a child.  And I do spank Israel quite a bit despite what you think and despite the critical thing you said about my not having a discipline style…that it was discipline by distraction.  (I’m not saying that instance that you spoke of didn’t happen, rather I’m saying it was taking a very narrow view.)  Most of the time, though, I regret spanking.  I don’t believe that anger and punishment are the best way, and I don’t think they are required for every little thing.  Mostly, I believe our children should be taught with gentle, loving guidance.  We should be kind when we reprove.  Israel is a wonderful little boy.  He is a child and behaves like one, but he is also learning.  We are not sitting back and doing nothing, but we are doing things in the best way we know how.  We are happy.  You choose your way, but please allow us to do the same.

When you are over at the house, it is your responsibility to watch your child just as much as it is ours to watch Israel.  We don’t want to be always following Israel when you are around, watching him like a hawk and hitting him to satisfy you whenever he does anything childlike.  We like to be able to relax and enjoy Sunday dinner without worrying how you will be offended.  We have on many occasions tried to respect your wish to keep our kids apart and set up gates or put Israel in front of a show, but inevitably, they find each other.  They love each other and to play together.  Your defense in all of this is that you are trying to protect your daughter, but she doesn’t need it to this extent.  She enjoys being with our son, and no great harm has ever been done to her.  She is not afraid or nervous.  She is not scarred or maimed (emotionally or otherwise).  She’s not even going to remember any of this.  Sometimes a toy is snatched out of her hands or she is slightly hurt, but it is usually by accident.  Israel’s intent is rarely, rarely to hurt or be mean, and we DO check him when we see that.  You are doing what you are doing because of your own pride.

You asked in our phone call when you had ever gotten mad and up in my face.  Perhaps you’ve never done that, but the surest way to offend any mother is to be mean to or rude about her child, and you have done that repeatedly in my presence.  Just yesterday, you called Israel a “little shit” to me.  How would you feel if I ever said anything like that to you about your child?  It was extremely rude and offensive.  Can you possible disagree?   Also, you are constantly making remarks about his size as if that is some failing or shortcoming.  Israel, you should know, is perfectly in the average range for height for his age, but I wouldn’t care if he were a midget.  What I care about is that his uncle who should love him and be kind to him and about him is mostly just demeaning towards him.  I can’t find in you any charity.

What I do find in you is a great deal of selfish pride and arrogance.   You are self-righteous and judgmental and like to find fault in others.  You are a small, mean kind of person, very negative, with little patience or tolerance, love or affection.  And unlike one’s height, those are things that you can control.  They are flaws in your character.